守護母親日誌201703(下)

20170317(五)
母親近來胃口不佳,吃得少,讓家人擔憂,除帶些點心餐點(如: 叉燒包,肉包,燒賣,小籠包...)還帶些肉湯(雞湯,豬肉湯,排骨湯),以增加其食量. 媽愛喝湯,早年不解,後來才明白廣東人吃飯是很重視湯品的.
"來到廣東，喝老火靚湯是必不可少的。廣東人常說「寧可食無菜，不可食無湯」，對湯的喜愛程度可見一斑。"(https://kknews.cc/zh-tw/food/v4p2my.html)

2017318(六)

安養院的房間與日光室(Sun  room)

三人一間房

走道盡頭的日光室

20170319(日)
昨晚媽媽因心跳快, 量不到血壓,又頭痛(頭暈),送到醫院急診,最後住院. 今天在醫院待了約22小時(8 a.m.--6 a.m),從急診到心臟內科病房. 距上次出院還不到一個月

20170322(三)
觀察一晚母親睡覺情形,"夢囈"很多.  睡睡醒醒,張開眼不知自己身在何處,時間為何(仍在醫院病房,在深夜)--時空錯亂. 失智者危險多,需有人自旁照顧,不然就像許多安養院或醫院,要將其"約束"起來(束縛腰腹,或手腳),避免其下床摔倒或自己拔掉鼻胃管,針頭...等.

恐慌--說自己身無分文(其實有退休金),要跳樓自殺. 因自己會游泳(這事倒記得 ),不能在水淺處,要到海中水深處(可能指欲跳海?)... 我只能見怪不怪,好言相勸,下次記得要轉移話題.

20170326(日)
Zyprexa/Olanzapine 要吃多少劑量才適合? 不致造成昏沉,影響進食

母親住進這家有名的大醫院,但不可避免地是醫師們的試驗品: 有被無經驗的住院醫師給過多鎮定劑量,以致昏睡了一個禮拜; 有的醫師則說要慢慢調整適合藥量  ...  一次次的試驗造成失智更嚴重,這種療法是科技的進步, 還是帶給病人更大的痛苦?
或許換個角度想:每個病人的情況不同,醫師需嘗試不同的做法?

媽媽的整體狀況,日前姊曾提到：
睡眠及食慾不佳,肺積水增加,發炎,有時血氧較低,腎功能退步.  現在調整心律不整的藥之劑量；調整利尿劑同時得防止血壓降低；改善睡眠狀況。心律不整、心衰竭（致生積水）狀況仍然持續.  鉀離子仍然超標...

20170327-28夜(一~二)
今天去抽了580cc的右肺積水,照了兩次X光
晚間睡不著,東摳摳西摳摳,結果將手臂上預留的針頭給扯到了,媽說怎麼有血? 衣服,被子及中單上都有不少血跡,她不知道如此動作會有這種結果的,只想將"異物"剔除

20170331-0401夜(五~六)
能否出院,回得去"至善"嗎?
母親的病情令人日益擔心,現在是經常喘,心臟不好(僅10%的功能)以致肺積水及腎臟功能衰退. 幾天沒見她,發現她情況變差了,臉有些浮腫,經常躺在床上不斷的喘氣,兩手臂薄薄的皮膚上更是佈滿打針的痕跡,要注射利尿劑,強心劑,抗生素...點滴,希望母親少受痛苦,祈求主的引領!

母難日

今年生日那天陪母親去榮總看病，之後到蘇杭吃中餐。不幸深夜上吐下瀉，這天的確是不平凡的一天。

有人說生日是母親受難日(母難日)，的確母親於30歲生我，在那個仍是樸素、生活不富裕的四O年代；當然，自己身為人母，也能體會人母所受的"苦"是如何。母親現則又受失智的苦難，僅以Still Alice  電影中女主角在失智協會上的演講來感同身受母親之苦。

Dr. Alice Howland:  Good morning. It's an honor to be here. The poet Elizabeth Bishoponce wrote: 'the Art of Losing isn't hard to master: so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster.' I'm not a poet, I am a person living with Early Onset Alzheimer's, and as that person I find myself learning the art of losing every day. Losing my bearings, losing objects, losing sleep, but mostly losing memories...

[she knocks the pages from the podium]

Dr. Alice Howland: I think I'll try to forget that just happened.

[crowd laughs]

Dr. Alice Howland: All my life I've accumulated memories - they've become, in a way, my most precious possessions. The night I met my husband, the first time I held my textbook in my hands. Having children, making friends, traveling the world. Everything I accumulated in life, everything I've worked so hard for - now all that is being ripped away. As you can imagine, or as you know, this is hell. But it gets worse. Who can take us seriously when we are so far from who we once were? Our strange behavior and fumbled sentences change other's perception of us and our perception of ourselves. We become ridiculous, incapable, comic. But this is not who we are, this is our disease. And like any disease it has a cause, it has a progression, and it could have a cure. My greatest wish is that my children, our children - the next generation - do not have to face what I am facing. But for the time being, I'm still alive. I know I'm alive. I have people I love dearly. I have things I want to do with my life. I rail against myself for not being able to remember things - but I still have moments in the day of pure happiness and joy. And please do not think that I am suffering. I am not suffering. I am struggling. Struggling to be part of things, to stay connected to whom I was once. So, 'live in the moment' I tell myself. It's really all I can do, live in the moment. And not beat myself up too much... and not beat myself up too much for mastering the art of losing. One thing I will try to hold onto though is the memory of speaking here today. It will go, I know it will. It may be gone by tomorrow. But it means so much to be talking here, today, like my old ambitious self who was so fascinated by communication. Thank you for this opportunity. It means the world to me. Thank you. (以上文字來源)